Saturday, October 28, 2006

Wave of the future

For you Googlers who keep coming here in search of the image of the new Sabres logo as Barney Rubble's hair, here's the link.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

8334 of these and I'm set.

So, Debo sent me this. Awesomeness of the Hemingway story aside, a sci-fi story in six-words is good times. Unsurprisingly, Stephenson's is my favorite. So, here's my foray.

"Go back and uninvent time travel."

Oil runs dry. Android cars revolt.

Internet cables forge new ley lines.

Weapon experiment chain reaction incinerates atmosphere.

So I married a lizard goddess.

Thursday, October 19, 2006


The byways roil with mist and the leaves grow sallow. Dripping black branches creak in the unnatural cold. The slow death that is autumn is upon us, and with it comes this cautionary tale.

A young gentlemen, accustomed to a quiet, sensible life of diligent work and pleasant conversation, took it upon himself to travel across the dim expanse of upstate New York to reach the city proper. The day before his trek began, a note arrived from his host-to-be.

I have this … thing. See the attached picture – yes it does have a curse on it. It' s about the size of a skinny three year old – it would take up about as much room as a full backpack, say. It 's pretty solid, but not too heavy."

Already feeling the slimy tendrils of fear creeping along the back of his skull at the thought of driving into Gotham, the gentleman's fancy saw this cargo as a risk to himself and his passengers, a bogy who would plague him throughout the journey. "Poppycock," he told himself. "It is but a decoration, a maudlin statuette meant to arouse the humours. Enough of this tiresome foolishness."

His first act upon obtaining this ebon idol was to name him, passing the action off as humor and light-heartedness. In the quiet of his soul, though, he imagined the bogy might be pleased with him. As he considered an appropriate sobriquet, the syllable "ire" seemed to be whispered into his thoughts. "'Ira,'" he ejaculated. "'Ira' will do nicely."

In addition to naming the beast in the backseat of his car, the gentleman rested the map and directions for his journey on the folded lap of the statue. Again, he played it off as a joke, when in truth he felt the beast less likely to malign him if included in responsibilities of the trip.

The majority of the trek passed without incident, lit by an unusually bright full moon and headed toward the increasingly pink sky above the city. The gentleman forgot his fears, losing them in the gentle hum of the road.

As the car approached the bridge of Tappan Zee, the gateway to the city, the gentleman called for the directions. At the exact moment that the papers were removed from Ira's silent stewardship, a large object flew at the rapidly travelling car. A discarded paper box, large enough to hold an oven, lofted into the air and smashed into the vehicle, obscuring the view of the road. His pulse throbbing in his ears, the gentleman wondered if this, at last, was to be his doom.

A mere second later, the flattened box flew away. The gentleman and his passengers were safe, and the rest of the trip held no further excitements. Ira was delivered, never to be seen again.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

So Fresh

One of the issues about living a nomadic life temporarily is soap. You end up using girls' soap. Important things to know:

#1 - It's not a bar. One of those weird upside-down bottles is filled with a goo that is meant to replace the time-honored bar. It's probably the one with the outline of a naked woman on it.

#2 - It smells weird. You're going to stink like apricots for a while. Or shea butter, whatever the hell that is.

#3 - It does stuff to you. I have no idea how this works, but girl soap says things like "stimulates" and "awakens" on the bottle. Girls expect a lot more out of their soap than dudes. For men, soap is for cleaning oneself. For women, soap is the key to unlocking the true self, confident and beautiful and independent.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Why Hip-Hop Sucks in '06

DJ Shadow? Dude, what happened? I mean, I was with you right up until this video. What's going on? Is there something you need to talk about? You can, you know, like call me if you need to get something off your chest. I tell you what. Why don't you come over on Friday and we'll get wasted and play Perfect Dark. Seriously, dude.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

New Lap Record!

From the Triborough Bridge to Allen Street in 6 hours and 45 minutes.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Venn Diagrams are Sexy

Haven't had much to say recently, so here's a link for you.