Why do we fall?

I present to you, gentle reader, a series of events.

• I receive clearance to grow a beard.
• I grow said beard.
• I am informed politely that the aforementioned beard is leaning towards the scruffy direction.
• I buy a beard trimmer.
• The beard is trimmed by Yours Truly.
• I notice that my hair is also a tad on the scruffy side.
• The hair is trimmed by Yours Truly.

So, if you're wondering why on this sweet Earth I look like a cross between a mange-ridden chipmunk and a young Maeve Garvey, consider this mystery solved.